Dal, Momos, and Sticky Rice

Start at the Beginning

2005-09-13T19:49:00.000-04:00

Go back in time...to September 2004 - My travel log edited w/ pictures added!

Epilogue

2005-04-25T09:38:00.000-04:00

321 days later I arrive at Dulles International with exactly 5 US dollars, 18 British pence, 500 Burmese kyat, 1 Chinese kuai, and a missing 5000 Vietnamese dong piece, not to mention atleast a week's worth of jetlag. My parents were there to pick me up though I hardly recognized them - they seemed younger than I remember.

So far my few days back home have been bewildering at best and overwhelming at worst. I often imagined what it might be like trying to adjust to life here while still in my Himalayan isolation. One senario was just that it would be the same, only that the material world around me would be better (can you say drinkable tap-water?). The other senario had me hiding out in my room for days, not wanting to corrupt myself with the heavy commercialism and blatant pretentiousness of society at large. Little did I expect that what actually happened was both: a life at the same time familar and estranged.

That threw me for a couple days and now I'm back to contemplating the oranges. Yes, oranges. Have you seen the oranges in this country? A fiery orange color, shaped like papayas, and the size of grapefruits in any other country - a cold, botanically scientific perfection. Seedless wonders with just the right amount of sweet and tangy. All the pros without the cons right? I ponder this while helping myself to half a dozen daily.

Sadly, this will be the last post on this blog (although I might add some pictures to previous posts). Don't worry, I'll settle down in a few days and might even enjoy watching MTV again...maybe. Then I'll call everyone I know :)

In peace,
Marcus

Ode to India

2005-04-19T00:10:00.000-04:00

My 20th year is one that will not be easy forgotten. Looking back fills me with the dim glow of nostaliga and the warmth of appreciation and completion. The difficult times I also value perhaps even more so (and there were plenty of those).

I count myself as one of the lucky. How many have such an opportunity to search for 'truth' unimpeded by material needs, physical limitation, or pressing attachments and responsibilities of home? Of course the searching and finding are two different things...

My hope is that this blog has been helpful in relating some of those experiences that have come and gone in the last 8 months - experiences and consequent insights that will continue to shape my life from here on out.

See you back in the states. Farewell my dear India.

Something of Myself...in pictures

2005-04-08T01:41:00.000-04:00

I was wondering why I hadn't posted pictures sooner, and than I realized why...this is India where the only reliable thing is the Chai-walla on the corner...when he isn't on strike. So without further ado (and in chronological order), here they are:

Thailand, Wat Ram Poeng, January 2005

The main temple

Golden Buddha images

3 buddhas

Burma, Yangon, and Pak Auk Forest Monastery, Feburary 2005

The famed Shwedagon Pagoda, the holiest sight in Burma

Street scene with Sule Paya in the distance

Me and my kuti (meditation hut) at Pak Auk Monastery

row of medtiation huts

Am I wearing a skirt?...

Vietnam, on Mekong Delta tour..., Early March 2005

boat ride on the muddy waters

me and random Japanese College kids on holiday.

And there you have it! I'll be home in two weeks...

Shy on the dance floor?

2005-03-23T23:03:00.000-05:00

You're probably not as shy as a bunch of whiskey-lovin' Tibetans during a late-night wedding reception. Think chuba's (a floor length apron-type traditional dress for women) and "Its the time to disco" playing on an endless loop...I have to admit it was quite a party (despite the fact that I wasn't exactly invited, more like the party was happening in my apartment complex and I went to take a peek).

LIfe is generally slow and quiet here though. I've found 2 Tibetan teachers now, one of which is a sweet elderly nun who stays home to take care of her aging mother, and the other is an enthusiastic man working at Gu-chu-sum, the foundation for Tibetan ex-political prisoners. I need to find some non-English speaking Tibetan friends though who will pity a bumbling college student...

Oh, did I mention that I inadvertently had lunch with a Rinpoche (reincarnated lama) the other day? All the tables at this restaurant were full so he just came up and sat right at my table. My first hints that he wasn't just and "ordinary" monk were his perfect English, the braces on his teeth, and the "bling" watch he wore. His father was in fact a very influential Nyingma lama who setup a bunch of dharma centers in Brazil, Chagdud Rinpoche! Yes, yes, rinpoches this, rinpoche that. He seemed no more than a regular person and we talked about quite mundane things, but how often are we deceived my mistaken perception?

Hitting the Traveler's Stride?

2005-03-19T10:24:00.000-05:00

Is there a place past culture-shock? If there is, somehow I think I've settled there. Why do I say that? Because when I wake up in the morning in a strange new place, in a strange new city, in a strange (and sometimes funky) new room or train birth, I don't really think twice about it. It's strange to be sure, but not quite shocking. A professor of mine who is a lifetime traveler told me that each time he comes back to a country, it feels like another homecoming - like a slice of grandma's hot apple pie just waiting for you outside the airport terminal. Ok, so I made the apple pie part up and neither of my grandmas ever baked any kind of pie...

Anyways, I've found a nice (only a half the room is dotted with black mold...) apartment in upper Dharamshala and language lessons are going well. To be honest, its the first time that I haven't been doing excessive planning for this bus or that plane, that retreat or this tour...so...I'm a bit bored. Still looking for a place to volunteer, hopefully I can make some use of myself in aiding the Tibetan cause.

Dharamsala Part II

2005-03-15T03:25:00.000-05:00

So I was figiting on the mosquito infested over-night bus from Delhi (which should be avoided if possible) somewhere between 2 and 4am while pondering how dangerous it was to be driving that fast on un-lite mountain passes. Yes, avoid if possible especially if you find yourself sitting next to a smelly nun. Shouldn't that be against some kind of precept or something?

But there are quite a few things nostalgic about India, the fragrant vegatarian Indian food, cows herded on the highways, and Western hip-hop "indianized" simply by speeding up the beats and raising the pitch (think of The Chipmunks singing "In Da Club").
Though of all the things I missed about India, the backpacker-guesthouse-crawl definitely isn't one of them. Need to find an apartment, need to find a language teacher, need to sleep more, need to get my zafu back in action.

Last word on Vietnam: will return.

Return to Vietnam

2005-03-05T04:55:00.000-05:00

The more I see and experience of Vietnam, the more it moves me.

First, literally thanks to the infamous sea of Saigon motorbikes that dominate the roadways (and a few outtings in to the two-wheeled jungle on a rented bicycle on my own). Those first few rides on the back of a xe om (motorbike taxi) were intoxicating (and white knuckle enducing), especially at night when the neon lights of the countless cafes and shops absorb the roar of traffic.

Second, is the war. Thirty years after the "American War" there seems to be no trace left other than the odd tour to the Vietcong Cu Chi tunnels just outside HCMC (which me and my cousin Cliff just finished today, complete with an intense tour by a veteran who fought for the south alongside the Americans). It would seem that everyone has forgotten that Vietnam previous to 1980 had suffered through a hundred years of continous war with old colonial powers, the Japanese, communism, the ruthless Khmer Rouge, and of course China. Indeed 65% of the current population or more is under 30, it was a different generation and a different Vietnam. But for me that history is now fresh (I'm embarrassed to say that I really had no idea about what happened here previous to this week), the connection surprisingly deep.

I've never seen such a beautiful sunset...

2005-02-20T23:41:00.000-05:00

...as I witnessed while crossing the new bridge from Mawlamyaing to the "main land" on probably the most decked out luxory bus in Burma (complete in green neon-lite interiors with reflective mirrors). The sun was all kinds of warm colors, enveloping the skyscape while several dozen fishing boats gliding along the shimmering baby-blue waters. Couldn't take my eyes off of it.

I've been a lot of places the last 3 weeks though. Mostly in my mind. At Pa Auk Monastery they have more traditional practices than at most of the techniques to have already made it to the West, namely practices aimed at intensely concentrating the mind and then using that mind to directly see reality (the other methods are simultaneous cultivation of both mind faculties samatha and vipassana). The practice that I went to learn was the "Four Elements Meditation" in which you break down your body into 12 different sensations (i.e heaviness, pushing, flowing, heat, etc.). Its not so easy and often frustrating when your not "getting it." The abbot or Sayadaw in Burmese is also quite powerful. On the bus trip back I was sitting next to the "4-jhana Korean" (as I so lovingly and secretly dubbed him. A "jhana" is one of the 8 stages of absorption concetration, basically, he can see his own fundamental particles with his own mind!) and he was describing how he had attained certain "states" previously but Sayadaw did not believe him. So I incredulousy said, "well, he can read your mind can't he?" His response: He looked at me with perked eyebrows and puffy cheeks and just said, "In fact he was right, I was practicing something slightly different." The people you meet at forest monasteries are quite facinating, he was just one of them.

But enough of such tales. Just know that i'm doing well and in good health over here, wishing all of you back "there" the same :)

Yagoon by day, Mawlamyaing by morning

2005-02-02T03:16:00.000-05:00

I've arrived! Yagoon is quite green and beautiful. Weather is a smidge warm...So I'm in one of the more bizarre places I can think of - a posh air-conditioned cyber cafe in downtown Yagoon, Burma. Everyone wears these cool leather sandals (sorry, I have what you might call a fetish for flip-flops...ahem) too. There are so few foreigners here its like going back in space and time...to a post WWII london inhabited only by caramel colored Himalayans turned tropical natives.

Wow, all that worry for nothing. The people here are for the most part (and i'm excluding the spastic black-market money changers on the street) very sweet, especially if you are a practicing Buddhist. Things are a little on the expensive side for this part of the world, but I think an Antioch contact is going to help me find a place to say in Yagoon when I return from retreat.

Where will I be tomorrow? I've been asking myself that alot lately, and everytime there's a different answer, haha. Is it still winter in the states...I talked to one taxi driver who had never seen snow before... :)

Burma Blackout

2005-01-30T23:12:00.000-05:00

So...just in case I have trouble in Myanmar (Burma), though I don't think I will, here's my plan (and hints on where to find me...). I'm headed to Mawlamyaing (a city) in Southeastern Burma to Pa Auk Monastery where I'll hopefully stay about two weeks in meditation retreat. Then I'll return to Yangon (the captial) to get a Vietnam visa and cool down for about a week before flying back to Bangkok enroute to Ho Chi Minh.

I've spent some interesting days in post retreat, mostly tired and confused. Though I think I'm starting to come back around. Yesterday was probably the best day I've spent in Chiangmai. I visited 3 gorgeous wats, bumped into a Theravada Buddhist Studies student on "the bus", met a Japanese women who teaches Hatha yoga, and listened to a surprisingly interesting Dhamma talk from a long-time British monk at Wat U Mong. Then got a massage :) But its back to the road for me! Still thinking of all those friends, family, and memories back in the states, I'll see you all sooner than you think!?

"Good meditators don't have great meditation,"

2005-01-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

explained Sister Phon Phit with a full graceful smile, her eyes lite by some kind of inner warmth. Its so true though, so true that we both shared a good chuckle. Her words were in response to that most common of meditator's questions, "Why isn't this working?" Good meditators aren't concerned with the up and downs of the practice, just its continuity. The experience itself isn't the practice, it the cultivation of a specific view that understands how things really are. Oh, here's a staged picture of me meditating (because my mom asked for one)at the center.

Overall I think those 10 days went fairly well. I'm no closer to liberation although I did learn how to walk 6hrs a day at a rate that a snail would scoff at. I had planned to write a whole opus of my experience...but a botched computer attempt and much needed rest have put that on indefinite hold. Though I do have pictures!

The main stupa at Wat Ram Poeng, Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Finally one pic of a Thai Cooking Class I took just a few days ago. Credit for pics goes to a french bloke I met on retreat. Thanks!

Chiang Mai Cool-down

2005-01-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

Whew! It's good to be out of steamy Bangkok. In delightful contrast, Chiang Mai is a much needed cool breeze on a "Thai hot" day. It's nice. But there's not much time to explore, I'm due for another retreat and it starts tomorrow a 10am. This time its 10 days at the Northern Insight Meditation Center just outside of Chiang Mai. Again it will be total silence but this time we have to wear all white, I suppose to induce some sort of purity reverse-osmosis. I'm game. Here's a picture of me after my last retreat...all smiles :)

Notice the (manly?) fu(ll) man-chu.

After 4 months in rural India

2005-01-11T10:41:00.000-05:00

...arriving in Bangkok was one of the most culture-shocking experiences of my life. I don't recommend it. Pulsating neon signs, the crush of mid-range passenger vehicles, acre after acre of jam-packed super air-con upscale shopping multiplexes cover the vast and opressive urban sprawl. I thought my brain would explode more than a few times strolling (woosily) down Siam Square. Plus the women here are absurdly (and I think that's the proper word) "h" "o" "t". Yikes! Thankfully, I leave tomorrow for the Chiang Mai (in Northern Thailand), the mountains, and another silent retreat.

A big thank you to Ivy and her cantonese family for giving me a place to stay and feeding me until I could only waddle my way back to my room :) Oh yeah...some pictures...

Me standing infront of some gold Buddhas in Bangkok.

Me, Feb, and Chris at a small temple mid-town Bangkok.

Me and Ivy in her apartement just outside of Bangkok.

Finally, some proof

2005-01-05T09:30:00.000-05:00

It's true! I have been in India. Here's the proof courtesy of the lovely photography of one Miss Maeba Jonas :)

Sam, Nick, me, Stephen, Joe, Maeba, Ben, Chris, Brian, Simon, and Christine as monastics on the roof of the Burmese Vihar in Bodhgaya.

Me, Josh, Simon, and Maeba paying homage at Vulture's Peak, Rajir.

Maeba (as Samsara, can't you tell?) and me (as Nirvana) for Halloween. By the way, I'm hold the "Pluger of non-conceptual awareness" if you were wondering.

Hope to post more pictures once I get to Thailand :)

At the Dawn of a New Year, the Journey Begins Anew

2005-01-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

As much as I'd love to go home and see family and friends, there are still so many opportunties right now that I can't pass up. In 4 days my flight to Thailand will signify the second leg of this journey I find myself walking. I have some idea of the landmarks I'll pass, but most of it I'll figure out on the way. Wish me luck :)

Here's a photo (that I found on this computer) of rural Bodhgaya.

A little different from home huh?

On the 1st day of silent retreat, my true teacher gave to me?

2004-12-30T23:38:00.000-05:00

...the teachings of the Buddha under the Bodhi tree! So on the first night of retreat they tell you that practicing meditation is like performing a deep surgerical operation - one that, if practices dilegently and correctly, has the power to uproot deep complexes embedded in the nether regions of the subtle mind. Heavy stuff right?

The method itself is quite simple actually: awareness and equinimity. Awareness of coarse and subtle bodily sensations and not reacting with grasping or aversion because these sensations are constantly in flux. So that excruciating pain in your knee, hip, and back should be observed, not engaged, it will pass naturally. Easier said than done, but that's what "practice" of any kind is about, continuous effort. During those ten days I probably had many of the most devastating sits of my life - where I was in so much pain, frustrated, with my mind and heart racing, sweating through my clothes...and just had to bear it. After several days like this you slowly find that most of what you're experiencing is self-created - even pain. The pain is there, but our minds enflate it because we want to run away from it. Pain is pain. When that is recognized and not endulged, it disturbs us so much less.

That said, sitting never really got easier for me at least. When one this stopped hurting, something else got knotted up. When that relaxed, then my thoughts would annoyingly multiply. But I'm starting to realize that its part of this whole process of just acceptance of how things are - an acceptance at an experiential level within the framework of my own body that extends to the phenomenal world. In our culture dispassion is treated as such a negative thing, as if it necessarily entails "not feeling" or "boredom," but true dispassion has neither of these qualities. You feel everything, but your mind its completely accepting so you don't react with grasping or pushing away. To me that's peace, that's happiness.

My prayers go out to all that were affected by the tsunami, reading about it is so unbelievably tragic. I hope that I can help in some way.

My Holiday Season

2004-12-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

As the Buddha used to say, all compounded things are impermanent. The meaning here is that the Antioch program will end tomorrow and from that day on all of us are going our separate ways (most back to America, some staying to travel in India). Part of me wants to go back to America too, but the other (and more insightful?) part of me knows that there's still more to be done. I figure that now that my walnut is effectively cracked, I think its time to work on that pesky, seemingly indestructible ego of mine. I'm off to 10 days of silent meditation retreat! But before I go I want to share part of my application essay I submitted to come on this program (an essay that was very strategically returned to us 2 days before the end of the program). I opened with this paragraph dated Feb. 25, 2004.

My professor once made a joke in class, "When I was young I thought I would attain enlightenment, but now...I'm old." He then peered suggestively at the students - some sat silent, others were scratching notes that suspiously looked like art nouveau, a few cracked a smile....but I just chuckled. How many of us in a moment of youthful idealism believe that we could do it, become a long bearded yogin subsisting on a single grain of rice a day, living in the solitude and protection of a majestic mountain, and on the day of our deaths ascend to the blissful heights of nirvana! While to some my professor's joke might just have been empty words, perhaps I see myself in the young aspirations of my professor.

Miss you all, hope your holidays are full of of love, warmth, friends, family, and good cheer! Ho ho ho!

Cracking the Walnut

2004-12-06T07:36:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about my experience in China and now India and I've noticed that there is something that I've been wanting to communicate that hasn't been coming through in my writtings. Something that has until now eluded me. Anyways, here goes:

Imagine a walnut - solid, hard, brown. Its a walnut. Its always been a walnut to you. But all you've ever seen is this solid, hard, brown shell. Your whole life you've had no idea that anything could be inside the shell (in this sense its more like a brown rock) and you've already poked, prodded, bitten, fired, etc. the walnut till you were blue in the face and it hasn't undergone more than a few stratches, a burn mark, and maybe a indent or two (this is a strong walnut mind you). At this point your pretty sure you're ready to accept the walnut for what it is, not to question it anymore. Then one day, strangely enough, cracks develop on the walnut. A tiny chunk of the shell falls off exposing something...something you never thought was there. So now what do you do?

That's what all this traveling has been like - from a cultural standpoint. The walnut is my life in America as an American (Asian America, Chinese American, etc.). In other words, the walnut represents my social and cultural "zero-assumptions" about my world (I'm not going to go into the habitual conditioning of my mind because that's a whole other story). What's right, what's proper, what's normative, what's perfection, what's cool, what's true, what I should try to be like, and it goes on and on - these points are rather obvious but there are elements of these "zero-assumptions" that are hardly obvious. What are they? What is our "basic ground" that we hold so close to us, that we secretly guard (ok, so there might be some implications to the nature of our minds here). For example, I've always assumed America was the best place to live, where people had the most opportunity to be happy even with all the problems, racism, government, blah blah. Taken as a whole I always believed that as my "zero assumption". I don't anymore. There are so many possibilities out there for fulfilling lives we could live. It's strange when your walnut gets cracked.

Don't ever take a Government Issue Indian Bus

2004-12-02T05:27:00.000-05:00

...unless you want the experience. And I've taken a few buses in my life, but none like the trip from Tashijong back to Mcleod "Tibetan Town" Ganj. I'll spare all the motion-sickness inducing details other than to say I was squished in the back corner of the bus for multiple hours with my head "resting" on my bent forarm - partially holding on for dear life and partially attempting to imagine I was somewhere else other than in the midsts of a human traffic jam that was speeding down the mountian down more switchbacks than I can count. But I made it and I even managed to score a soft-serve ice cream cone while stopping in Palampur for a very reasonable 10 rupees.

Now I'm staying in the monks section of Namgyel Monastery, by morning prostrating, by afternoon/evening nursing sore muscles and studying Tibetan. Its solitary (meaning lonely) but I do get to see friends from the program every few days. One thing that has to be said is that its SO COLD here mainly because the words "central heating" only exist in the upscale places in the world. I sleep buddled in full thermals and sweaters, inside a down comforter while wearing a face-mask...and I still wake up due to chills. On the plus side it means I don't have to shower as much...that's a plus right?

In five days I'm back in Bodhgaya for a month or so. I'll be in meditation retreat for New Year's and then a visit to Thailand and Vietnam in mid-January. Wishing you all the best in your heated rooms (argh)!

Rinpoches, Yogis, and the Dalai Lama

2004-11-23T23:35:00.000-05:00

Where do I start? How about us Antioch kids traveling from Tibetan Exile homebase of Mcleod Ganj to a small hill side town called Bir about 70 km southeast to see the Dalai Lama give teachings. We decided to stay at Sherabling Monastery guesthouse (about 8 km away on the bumpiest road ever constructed...or destructed) because it was projected that 45,000 people would be there for the teachings and the openning of a new Shedra (Buddhist University, this one was just for monks). Anyways, we got to see His Holiness for a day even though the teaching were all in Tibetan. After that me and a friend came to Tashijong (a little Tibetan town of 600), her to studying Buddhism and democracy and me to meet teachers. As it were, the boys staying at Sherabling made contact with Phakchok Rinpoche (don't worry about all these names, I get confused quite often too), who gave us a transmission (and an incrediable private Dharma teaching at his house) to do prostrations as prelimary practice. So that's what I'm starting to do...100,000 of them.

Tashijong is a beautiful little town I have to say. There's something about it that I can't explain - but its good. Maybe its the 200 monks, 20 yogis, and 8 Rinpoches that reside here. Or maybe its the friendly Tibetans. The other day I asked a monk if Tashijong had any Tibetan teachers and this really old man came and took me by the hand, huffing and puffing (I mean he's old) to the restaurant (there's only one) owner who offered to help me. Is it because I look Tibetan-ish? Is it because I wear a Namgyal T-shirt in monk colors all the time? I'm not sure but I think i'll be back here sometime in this lifetime.

Oh yeah, Yogis! Everyone wants to know about yogis. So I met this one Australian monk who's a student of one of the Tokdens (or as he puts it "fully enlightened yogis" who never leave the hills) - quite an interesting fellow, he used to be a surfer as it would turn out until he read this book called "Surfing the Himalayas". Anyways, we met his teacher at who stays in a house near the top of the hill - a stern looking yogi with a french bread like braid sitting atop his head, next to him his bell and "Dharma arrow" streaming with ribbons used for blessing. The language barrier was a bit difficult although his attendent translated for us (who is crazily enough also a rinpoche). So is he a fully realized being? I'm way to deluded to make any conclusions...though I will go see again before I leave Tashijong.

I hope everyone has a boat-full of juicy turkey, fragrant stuffing, and silky mashed potatoes back in the States! I'll be having veg-friend rice!

So the Himalayas are alot bigger in person

2004-11-15T08:38:00.000-05:00

I'm here! Back in the mountains again. First impressions of Mcleod Ganj (where the Tibetan exiles actually are, not Dharmasala): very Westernized. I had some really good Italian food for lunch today and as we speak i'm sitting at a broadband equiped, XP loaded computer with some smooth R&B slooooow jams playing. Did I ever leave my dorm room in America? Of course one step outside the door is an instant reality check. Tomorrow after some rest I'm off to explore, meet monks, visit Namgyel monastery, and maybe see one or two of Thutop's cousins. The view of the valley is breath-taking! I'll take some pictures. More later.

Off to the mountains

2004-11-09T09:21:00.000-05:00

Its been a crazy week as finals weeks always are I suppose. It seems that this part of my adventure is coming to an end (that is the structured portion of it).

Good news is I'll be headed for the hills of the Himalayas next week, taking refuge in that Tibetan refugee community known as Dharmasala. As luck (karma?) would have it, His Holiness the Dalai Lama is giving two days of teachings from Nov. 19-21 in Bir (a small Tibetan settlement about 2 hours away from Dharmasala). Oh I'll be there. Its where I'll be after that that I'm worried about. I know I want to learn Tibetan and I know I want to meditate. That's all I've got for now.

I was thinking about fall in Virginia with all the colored leaves and brisk autumn air. Its not quite the same in India.

American Puja!!

2004-10-31T23:28:00.000-05:00

What's American Puja? Well, first of all, what's a "puja"? From what I gather its an Indian holiday ceremony full of ritual offering to the Gods, loud Hindi music, drum beating parades through the streets (sometimes with firecrackers), and of course those special "sweet" indian candies that would be best consumed along with a suringe full of insuline. Its fun. But "American Puja" is a whole different beast - its Halloween in India.

So what do you get when you combine a Giant (i mean 12 feet tall), 2 water buffalos (like 8 feet long), a cowboy on an ACTUAL horse and accompaning Native Americans, the "ambigiously bi-trio", Huck Fin & Tom Sawyer, Shiva (yes the blue god), Captain Planet, Ghandi, a sadhu, Yogi Mike, a Zebra, and a bandit with get-away motorcyle? You get a huge crowd of Indians following you laughing and shouting through the streets of Bodhgaya. So much fun. I don't think I've ever had a better Halloween. Oh, what was my costume you ask? Well I went with a friend, she as that seductive, desirous Samsara and me as protector of Bodhi-mind and morality Nirvana. Haha. Funnily enough we had the only "buddhish" costumes. Basically I was dressed all in white wearing a "mirror-mind" around my neck and holding the "plunger of non-conceptual awareness" (I couldn't find any swords in town and had to make due with a plunger). Good times.

But that was only Friday night. The rest of the time has been "Rinpoche" time (he's a high reincarnated lama said to be a manifestation of Nagajuna the "second buddha" and he has centers all over the world). The bottom line is that he is an incredibly compassionate being - impartially. And he gives hugs. I found that the power of the Tibetan tradition and the vajrayana is precisely the power of boundless loving-kindness. Sure there are certain cultural and language barriers, and at first I wasn't sure what to make of him...is he a Buddha? Can he read my mind? Is he just a human with very human flaws? Rinpoche doesn't know everything but he knows more than enough to touch people's hearts and lead those who are ready from their suffering. That's what I took away from 5 days with him. Most of the program kids (including myself) took refuge and bodhisattva vows from Rinpoche under the Bodhi tree...an amazing experience.

I'm glad things are settling down now though - i'm recovering from a head cold but should be fine soon. How is everyone doing back home? Miss you all, and i'd love to hear from you. mrw7e@hotmail.com.

Robert doing his best Dumbledor.

Dance party.

A Bandit, Jesus, and Gandhi...they look so happy together.

3 Weeks left in Bodhgaya and Cricket

2004-10-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

So those 6 weeks really flew by. In three weeks we'll all be headed to different corners of India for an Independent Study (which I am actually not doing in favor of starting preliminary practices - prostrations, mantras, etc - provided that I can find a proper spiritual sponsor.) But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I want to talk about a little known game (anywhere outsided of colonial Britian) called "Cricket" - oddly named and even more baffling to play. Yesterday (the last day of Durga Puja) a bunch of us walked into the countryside to play this strange mutation of baseball (or is it?). Its actually quite fun when you have a bunch of westerners, 20 some odd indian children, and 5 or so indian friends of ours together standing in the middle of a circle marked by three thin, white, wooden poles. Now, how do you play cricket? I still have no idea. First there is a "bowler" out throws the ball from about 40 feet away in an attempt to knock over one of these three closely placed poles-in-the ground. The batter's goal is to protect these poles at all costs, preferabley with the big flat piece of wood in his hand. If he his the ball (and it isn't caught out of the air), he then proceeds to run like a mad man straight ahead to the other "base" while his compatriot runs from that base to the batting base. Anyway, there were words thrown about like "overs" and "runs" but I didn't really understand those...but oh well, we all had a blast.

As for my inner game of cricket things seem to be settling - thankfully. Those stomache bugs have been ousted and I'm looking forward to resuming daily meditation - this time in the Tibetan tradition. I know I haven't said much about the people here (and i'm not sure if i have underlying motives for that) but I do want to give a big thanks to a few in particular just as really amazing people who i definitely see as spiritual friends even if our lives may not necessarily be going in the same direction. On another note the Halloween party is this Friday and I don't have a costume! I'm thinking about being a "Japanese Sadhu" or a "clueless Japanese tourist"...any suggestions?

I use MSN (mrw7e@hotmail.com) and Yahoo! (grimlockq@yahoo.com) Messanger so if you use those look for me! Take care.

Post-monkhood: The Bottom End of the Curve

2004-10-23T06:37:00.000-04:00

It's that time of the program. At the end of the 6th week it seems everyone takes a turn for the worse (or so our program director says). The general feeling of "blah", sickness, loss of focus and motivation - but its only temporary it seems. Right now I'm combating a gastro-intenstinal bacterial stomache-thingy (my first time getting sick), but its relatively minor. Mentally and emotionally things have been much tougher. Along with taking ordination two weeks ago, I also changed dormatory buildings because I knew I was getting attached to the people and place I was living - the separation (along with the overall transition from monkhood) has left me (perhaps predictably) confused, lonely, and alienated. I had it pretty bad a few days ago but i'm starting to come out of the funk. Attachment is so much a part of our lives it hard to comprehend living without it or atleast a weakened form of it. Look at how it dictates the quality our lives though? Through these past few days I've realized how little I've been able to even slightly change the fundamental composition of my mind by changing all the external and superficial internal pieces of "me" around. Its so difficult.

Zen finished yesterday with a 5:30AM meditation session facing the Bodhi Tree. How do I feel about Zen? Good question. Sit. Just sit. That's basically all Sensei told us for 3 weeks (and perhaps that's all there is to do), but it just gets boring and its supposed to. Soto Zen (the Zen of Shunryu Suzuki and Dogen) is to be nothing special, to not attain anything - a very down to earth approach. We are already enlightened and to sit zazen is an expression of that enlightened nature. Fine. Robert (our program director) coined the term "fake it until you make it" which seems strangely appropriate for this type of practice.

Chokinyima Rinpoche is arriving next week for our Tibetan portion of the program and the hype around his arrival is escalating (his ontourage of 11 people, students flying in from all over the world just for these several days, etc.). It a funny kind of thing. The two teachers we've had, while not currently monks, were quite prominent in their traditions (Theravada and Soto Zen) as teachers and spiritual masters...but with Chokyi is like "NOW the BUDDHA is coming to town". It seems to be related to the "vajra power" of the Tibetan tradition or maybe the extreme emphasis on guru worship or something. I can't explain it nor can anyone else.

Monkhood

2004-10-17T02:02:00.000-04:00

Just call me the "bhikkhu formerly known as Marcus" or rather "the laymen formerly known as panya ('wisdom' in Pali). A week ago I, along with 9 fellow classmates, ordained temporarily in the Theravada tradition under the care of the Abbot of the Burmese monastery. It was a beautiful ordination ceremony in the main temple with the abbot, about 8 monks, and of course our friends, classmates, and teachers. After reciting the 10 precepts in Pali and a short chant, the monks dressed us each in long cotton robes (we had all already shaved our head clean before the ceremony). We each recieved an alms bowl (filled with necessites such as a razor, soap, toothbrush, etc.) and an extra pair of robes (upper and lower) and sent back out into the world. In someways it felt like a rebith, like I was "graduating" from a "wordly life", like a celebration.

In otherways it soon became evident how different our external life was - the 10 precepts and 72 training rules. We could not eat with laity, we could only accept what was offered to us, there was a clear hierarchy during meal times but also in everyday interations. Those friend who I had been really close too, especially girls, I found that I could no longer talk with them in the same way - i had to guard not only my actions and speech but also how I represented the abbot, the monastery, and the tradition. There was a clear awkwardness on both sides of the divide on how to interact, what was ok, and what was better left unsaid. On the whole I spent my time sleeping or studying quietly with only a few visits from friends. It was interesting to notice that with so few outside distractions (no reading for pleasure, listening to music, gossip/idle chatter, etc.) the internal distractions seems to divide and multiply. It reminds me of a quote sensei said in a teaching during this weekends sessin (Zen retreat)..."you think there's only ONE monkey [caged in your mind trying franticlly to escape, grasping everything in sight]?"

When I de-robed this morning and placed said robes back in the Buddhahall, I felt sadder than I thought I would have. Will this be the last time I will experience monkhood in this life? To be continued... :)

There so much that I want to share but there is neither the time nor space enough it seems. sigh. Please feel free to comment and tell me how you are though, emails especially are great to get once in a while: mrw7e@hotmail.com. Hope you all are well, thinking of you all.

India Tidbits

2004-10-07T10:24:00.000-04:00

What is daily life like here? Observe...

Did you know Indian's don't use toilet paper to do their business? I did, I do. When in Rome do as the Roman's do. You might be wondering the logistics of such an endeavor so let me help: There's a hole, a large bucket, a small bucket, and a facet tap. If you were squating with your pants down I think intuition would kick in at that point. Believe it or not its actually cleaner albeit a little wetter.

Life in the Vihar is more than amusing. In response to the rival "women's group" that meets weekly to discuss "women's issues", the guys unoffically founded B.A.B.E.S. (Boxer and Beeds Enlightenment Society). I can't in good conscious tell you what we "discuss" but the name is funny enough.

Today we all got our full length black japanese-style (i.e. big sleeved) Zen robes. I felt like we had just been accepted to Hogwarts or something...except its Buddha Camp.

This morning we toured the Mahabodhi temple with "the bikkhu (monk) in charge". He gave all the important places (for the 7 weeks after the Buddh's enlightenment) around the bodhi tree a historical context with a special Buddhist twist. I also got some Bodhi tree seeds which I can hopefully transplant at home!

More later...hopefully.

P.S. Sunday I'm ordaining in the Burmese Tradition...temporarily.

The Vihar is Home. Zen is zen.

2004-10-06T00:13:00.000-04:00

It's good to be back. Quiet too. Oh but closing comments on Varanasi, there were some good things too. Besides the food being scrumptions (mmm...paneer), the evening river puja is quite an experience. I had no idea what was going on but the visuals alone were very powerful - 5 men ringing bells and lifting intricate ritual objects in unison all by candle light. Afterwards most of the guys were molested by the ghat (platforms on the river) massuses (more or less) including yours truly, haha, for only 10 rupees. Also we visited Deer Park in closeby Sarnath (where the Buddha is said to have given his first teaching) which is now a beautiful park.

Back in Bodhgaya Zen has begun. Its so simple its complicated. Paradox. Non-duality. Skillful means. Zen is all these things. Even more so than our Theravadan Vipassana (Pali for "mindfulness" practice), Zen is about simplifying our lives. I should specifiy that we are practicing Soto Zen through the lineage of Suzuki and Dogen. We sit to sit, bow to bow, etc. Nothing to attain (supposedly). Posture is also extremely important as my spasming back can attest to. Every evening we head over to the beautiful Japanese Temple for meditation. How cool is that?

Varanasi and the Ganges

2004-10-01T06:49:00.000-04:00

I'm in Varanasi. If you've been here that really should be enough said.

"Burning is Learning. Cremation education." That's what one of the infamous touts here told me (though this one was actually kind of helpful). What that means I don't think I'll ever know. However, we did take a ride on the Ganges this morning. Hindus bathing, some washing clothes, bodies burning in huge wooden fires, pale white corpses floating. It was alot to take. I was surprised to see how many women tourists were about, a few alone. You could see on everyone's faces the gravity an hour on the Ganges can provide.

I've decide that traveling in India is exhausting. I'll be glad to be heading back to Bodhgaya in a few days. Wishing everyone well.

Email me at: mrw7e@hotmail.com

Under the Bodhi Tree

2004-09-28T11:21:00.000-04:00

"It's hard to imagine that America even exists," a classmate of mine declared slightly befuddled. We all chuckled because its kind of true. Between the "Hitler" cologne, the "Thumbs Up" cola, and the odd goat-on-table-eating...I mean how could America exist?

Classes are going well. I live for meditation or rather I structure my whole day around it. Should I write that email or nap for meditation this evening? Should I get some clothes washed or go for an interview with the teacher? I mean, you gotta have your priorities straight.

Tonight and tomorrow night is the full moon. Hindu pilgrims come from all over India to visit Gaya and Bodhgaya (as the Buddha is said to be an incarnation of Vishnu). Supposedly the full moon brings out the ghosts and increases the general spiritual energy. We'll see I suppose. Though the other night we did evening meditation under the Bodhi tree...the very place the Buddha attained awakening! It was quite a scene with chants blaring, pilgrims gauking, and 30 westerners sitting in neat rows with their eyes closed.
I wish I could write more but I better finish this up before the computer shuts off. Hope you all are well. Well be back with stories from Varanasi.

Week 1: Settling In

2004-09-18T06:39:00.000-04:00

The faint ding of the morning bell fills the courtyard. Half-begrudingly I open my eyes. Immediately I'm confronted with the color pink, my protective mosquito bed-netting. I slowly turn to my right, peering out the screen window, night seems to be transitioning into morning. I close my eyes again thinking, "Where in the world am I?" The in-monastery rooster cocks an emphatic cockel-doodle-do. Oh yeah! India!

It is absolutely absurd to think about where I was just 2 weeks ago, and where I am now. Yesterday we (India) celebrated the "god of electronics and mechanical machine" day which consisted of blaring loud music all day (even at the monastery) and creating alters using the hoods of cars and motorcycles. India is awesome like that. There were also no computers or printing presses being used...hey even machines need some appreciation.

We've all been through alot just trying to get settled. A week ago, 8 of the 12 people on my hall were unfortunately puking they're guts out (in fact my roommate chucked one square in front of our door) from food poisoning + heat exhaustion. Me? I only had a slight tummy-ache. I thank those fiesty Chinese stomache bacteria for fight off the Indian ones.

One night, some of us just sat on the roof of our dorm and admired the universe. Amazing what you can see without American-sized light pollution...the stars were never so awe-inspiring. And in the backdrop, through a mixure of fog cover and carefully placed lighting, the Mahabodhi temple (a shrine built where the Buddha attained Enlightenment) - glowing, towering, majestic.

Meditation. sitting. concentrating. mind...wandering...cloudy...weak! "The first week of trying to do anything for the first time in always difficult"...the words of our visiting meditation teacher from Burma. He told me exactly what I needed to hear and I'm excited about the next two weeks where our daily practice will increase from 1 hr to 2 hrs with an opportunity for an intenstive 48 hr retreat next weekend! At the moment we are working on concentration meditation, metta practice (developing loving-kindness), and one meditation on death.

This past week has gone by so fast, but life here in general is so much slower. Though what is the rush anyways? In America we put so much emphasis on multi-tasking and constantly experiencing new tastes, sights, sounds, etc. Life is so hecktic and stressful but we get alot of "stuff done." Whatever that means. The mornings at the Vihar are silent. When we sit, we just sit. When we eat, we just eat. When we wash our plates and cups...well you see the pattern - just enjoy the moment from moment-to-moment. It's brilliant. Mornings are full of classes (Tibetan is alot of fun), and the afternoons are free to do errands (or rather "an" errand) in town, nap, study, chill, have tea, and so on until meditation at 5pm followed by a light dinner.

Until next week, thanks for the comments everyone. Hope you hear from you! Oh yeah, leave me an address and I'll postcard you!

Bodh Gaya at last!

2004-09-09T08:49:00.000-04:00

Its official. 3 days in london, 4 days in Delhi, and 2 days by train...I've arrived! Its spectacular really, everyone is really excited to be here, me included.

Trains are an interesting thing in India...I mean...I thought I had seen it all in another third world country but not so. India is its own world. We approach the train station in "battle mode." The previous night we had been briefed on correct procedure. As soon as we arrived in some unmarked location, our program leader Robert stepped off the bus to bargin w/ the porter who would bring our luggage to the train. Mean while, in the sweltering heat, sun, and general chaos of a major Indian transportation center, the men stood watch over the unloaded bags. Then, loading the bags (about 50 of them), 2 men and 1 cart lead the way to the train (whose location we actually are quite unsure of. After crossing several rows of bare tracks (i remember dodging one on coming train), we wait underneath a urine-stained bridge...if only it were a urine stained bridge. As it were, India trains don't have "septic tanks" unless you call that relasing the "necessities" directly onto the tracks...and i mean directly. The worst part is that the poor, diseased, and uncared for would inhabit these parts, perhaps for shade, perhaps for shelter, perhaps...there's just no way that i could relate...it was devastating to be honest. You see that everywhere.

After a half hour we moved onto the train platform and waited again. Pick pockets sized us up, people stared as if it were their jobs (and for the pick-pockets it was i suppose). Luckly we were all dressed in Indian clothes (which absolutley ROCK by the way!) or else we would have attracted alot more attention. The train ride itself was stomache able, sleepless but fine otherwise. When we arrived in Gaya...we'll it was like walking into a time warp...about a century earlier. Rickshaws were everywhere crowding the streets with the occasional car or jeep impatiently trying to break through. Dust, sun, and the billon of colors of india all flashed by our windows...as well as the undeniable poverty. As we pulled up the Burmese Vihar today, it was clear that this place would be an island in the middle of a raging river. In contrast to what is outside its walls, the Vihar is quite, peaceful, and safe. Conditions are also better than I expected, as is the food (dal and rice...yum). Classes start soon and we are all just getting settled...I can't wait for yoga and meditation to start! Will write again soon.

Our backyard/mosquito breeding ground

Welcome to New Delhi

2004-09-05T05:42:00.000-04:00

Hi from New Delhi. We just arrived yesterday after 2 days of orientation in London (which I took liking to very quickly although English food is pretty bad). What's India like? Hm..good question. Delhi is called "the Green City" for a reason. I'd say it has more foliage that DC does, a pleasant surprise. Its also very crowded walking and driving. We took a day tour to 2 different temples: one is a bahai (a sort of "universal" religion that started in 1850) temple in the shape of a giant white lotus - gorgeous. Surrounding the temple are 9 pools of clear blue water which in addition to creating a peaceful atmosphere, cools the marble tiled floor inside the temple. The second temple was an old Muslim mosque and its accompanying "leaning tower of Delhi" which was built to represent the conquering of the Hindus during the Mogul Empire. In sharp contrast to almost every temple I visited in China, these places are "religious" sites (as opposed to religous theme parks) and people treat them accordingly (aka w/ reverence). No shoes are allow in the temple. No speaking is allowed (though this might just be for the bahai temple). I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Before actually arriving at the Celtic Hotel in London, I was mostly focused on how "I" was going to interact with "India". Then I walked in the door and realized there were 30 other people going with me, "whoa". I half expected them to all be free-wheeling hippies with long hair and a long list of drugs experimented (which is not to say that most are extremely liberal and perhaps fit that description), but there are quite a few gems - people who are willing to build that spiritual community that we all came here for. But their backgrounds are also very diverse, business majors, sociology, chemistry, and a bevy of philosphy and religion majors. Some Californians and Ohio-ans and lots from the DC metropolitan area actually.

Three weeks ago I was in another Third World Country (China). Its so easy to make comparisons that I want to hold off on that until I've been here for a little while. For instance street vendors will be very agressive when selling you things and you'll get stares from almost all directions...something I'm used to from spending time in China. But there's a big difference, before people though I was the "tour guide" but now I'm just another "outsider". Tomorrow where going to buy India clothing! Will post pictures...hopefully!

*sorry about last week's melodramatic entry...I was really feeling it at 2am in the morning before my plane ride.

Before India...

2004-09-01T00:24:00.000-04:00

I visited my grandparent's graves today. It had been a while. I knelt there on the grass in front of the head stones and I closed my eyes and tasted my salty tears. I spoke to them in Chinese for the first time (although I (tried to) speak mandarin and they only knew Cantonese) - hoping that they have found some peace and happiness after leaving this world. I told them I was going to India for a year. No response. I apologized for not crying at either of their funerals...not that I didn't want to but I had so little compassion for anyone back then. I know that when I get to India, I will stare death in the face so many times in the suffering of the people. What scares me the most is that just to get by with my sanity intact I'll have to create a "wall" from that suffering - considering it "ok" that children are dying of malnutriton while I have 3 Lexuses and a Mercedes parked in my driveway. It's their karma I'll tell myself.

I was snooping around my sister's room the other day (shhh...ok, i was looking for her camera) and I noticed that she had a postcard I had sent her from the previous summer sitting on her nightstand. I had totally forgotten that I had written it. This is what it said:

"Whatever joy there is in the world
All comes from desiring others to be happy,
And whatever suffering there is in the world
All comes from desiring myself to be happy."
-Shantideva

Love,
Markie

China Revisited

2004-08-30T09:22:00.000-04:00

Check out pictures from China: Nine Brilliant Mountains, Da Zu, Emei Shan, and Kang Ding.

*Quick note* - if you want to see the original size picture, just click on the particular photo and another window will open...then click on "view original image" and the larger version will come up.

Videos:
Riding in cable cars with monks at Nine Brilliant Mountains (Jiu Hua Shan) (2.5mb).
A foggy monastery on Emei Shan (2.4mb).
At the top of Emei Shan taking in the view (4.2mb).
Riding horses in Kang Ding (4.3mb).

Burmese Vihar in Bodh Gaya

2004-08-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

Instead of my usual mass email lists, this blog will be my main avenue of communication with anyone who is interested. Check back from time to time. Oh, and if anyone wants to send me snail mail (apparently it takes anywhere from 10-20 days):

c/o Burmese Vihar
Bodh Gaya, Bihar
824231, INDIA

Anyways, I leave from London next week on my way to India. Wish me luck!

Only from experience

2004-08-22T20:48:00.000-04:00

When people ask me how my summer in China was, I have a difficult time answering. Beyond using a handful of choice adjectives and perhaps a telling incident, how could I convey what the experience had meant to me? Today I realized that perhaps China taught me alot more than I'm willing to admit to myself. I suppose I'm already comparing my time in China with the anticipated earth-shaking culture shock I'll witness in India that it almost seems insignificant. But that would be a mistake on my part to marginalize it that way - the people I met, the places I saw, the experiences will no doubt stay with me the rest of my life.

My summer in a picture

2004-08-20T08:56:00.000-04:00

The highlight of my summer. Pao Ma Shan, Kangding, Western Si Chuan.

Counting the days...in Shanghai

2004-08-12T09:32:00.000-04:00

It's hard to imagine that I've never lived a day without air-conditioning. Today was such a day. Not that it would have been a big deal if I were in say... a mountainous region (such as Western Si Chuan), however, as I am in Shanghai with its mucky, hot and humid climate, I'm really feeling it. That sticky feeling all day with no relief. India should be interesting.